Here is a small sample of the workbook, to whet your appetite:
The Guidelines Workbook has been written to help you personalize the Guidelines -- to make them your own. I highly recommend that you keep this Workbook in a secure location. The Workbook has two parts, just like the Guidelines. Part One focuses on day to day activities, while Part Two focuses on your life goals and philosophies.
Here are some suggestions on using the Workbook. First, read the entire Workbook, so that you have a good overview of what you will be doing. Second, try to find a quiet time during the day, every day, to work on the Workbook for at least 15 minuets. I like to have coffee or a cold drink and sometimes a snack or popcorn. It can make for a pleasant break from your normal routines. Try to relax your mind before you start so you can really focus on your answers to the workbook exercises. Interruptions are not good when trying to focus your thoughts. You might think of this as a homework assignment. It may well turn out to be the most important homework that you'll ever do. The more you put into this assignment the more you will get out of it. I hope that you will take it seriously. Many people, who have completed the work book, have had really terrific results -- I hope you will too.
The Workbook provides you with two copies of each exercise sheet. You should use the first copy for "stream of consciousness" writing -- just write whatever comes into your head, and don't worry about writing well or making sense. Once you get the ideas out of your head and down on paper you can then use the duplicate page to review and organize your thoughts.
Let the thoughts flow as you go through the workbook. Let your mind open up and spill onto these pages. You will be amazed by the things you write that were or are very important to you, but have sunken below the surface during life's trying times. The Workbook can be an invaluable tool to improve your life no matter what is happening, but it is especially useful in the face of adversity. Many things in life can be tough on us, but the burden carried during and after divorce can seem unbearable at times.
On my web page I wrote about my friend whose burden after a very painful divorce caused me to pen the original "Guidelines for Survival". These evolved into the Guidelines. Life, is to varying degrees, a constant struggle. Ernest Hemmingway said basically "life is a boxing match and when you can't get up off the canvas it's over". Well get up off the canvas and get to work on the Workbook and getting on with your life, a good life.
As a final note before you begin, it is probably best if you don't share your answers to the workbook exercises with other people, at least not until your confidence in yourself and your pursuit of happiness and meaningful purpose in life have been restored.
Thank you for your interest in the Guidelines.
-- Richard Pedersen
After a divorce most of us usually say, "Nothing seems to be fun anymore." Fortunately, with a little research, right between our own ears, we can figure out what used to be fun for each of us. This will help lead us to what might be fun now and in the future.
Write your answers to the following questions:
What was fun when you were in elementary school?
What was fun when you were in Junior High?
What was fun in High School?
What was fun during summer vacations?
What was fun after High School?
What was fun when you were married?
What have you always wanted to do or try that you thought would be fun?
If you are having no luck, what do people you know do for fun?
2. Is there anything on your "Having Fun" list that you can do for a few minutes right now? If so do it. Now. No excuses -- just do it.
3. If there's nothing on your list that you can do right now, right where you are as you're reading this, pick something off the list and make an appointment with yourself to do one fun activity for 30 minutes sometime in the next 24 hours.
4. After your "Fun Break" take a few minutes to write your thoughts about the experience in the space below:
From birth the human mind has a strong appetite for knowledge. When we are older and over-stressed we can loose our quest for knowledge. The mind needs the stimululation of learning to stay healthy and sharp. If it doesn't get this stimulus, the mind can get very lazy, functioning well below its potential. The ever-increasing pace of technological developments, and life in general, makes is necessary for us to stay up with our skills and education otherwise, we will quickly fall behind. Being off the pace can really raise one's stress level and limit their potential. Learning can be fun, give it a try.
Write the answers that come into your head when you read the following questions:
What classes would interest you or improve you skills, pastimes, or hobbies?
Been to the library lately? Try going on a regular basis. There is something of interest to everyone at the library.
Read any non-fiction lately? Watched a documentary or educational program?
Have you helped someone else learn something? Teaching and learning are inseparable. There are always children waiting to learn and teaching them is a learning experience for us as well.
Been to a seminar or training program? What type of seminars and or training programs would you like to attend?
If you had to teach a class what class could you teach? What class or classes would you like to teach? How would you prepare for your classes?
Although the American media can sometimes be educational, I don't recommend reading the daily paper or watching a lot of news programs or daytime talk shows. I feel that the reporting and programming is often distorted and negative. It is slanted to sell a paper or advertising or increase their ratings. World and local news can be very depressing. After the stress of divorce I highly recommend limiting your exposure to negative or depressing news and events that are almost always beyond our control. We have more than enough negative things already on our plate with out willingly adding to it by what we watch and read in the media.
2. Schedule 20 minutes sometime in the next 24 hours to investigate the class offerings at your local community college. Ask them to send you application materials and a course catalog.
3. Look in the phonebook right now and write down, right here, the addresses and phone numbers of three or more bookstores and/or libraries near you. The next time you are running errands stop at one of these places and get a book that will help you learn something on your list. If you think you might forget, go out right now and put a note on the dashboard or steering wheel of your car.
| Phone Number | Address | _________________________ | _________________________ | _________________________ | _________________________ | _________________________ | _________________________ | _________________________ | _________________________ | _________________________ | _________________________ |
4. Make one phone call right now and ask about about training programs and/or seminars that are available at your place of employment, or at a local library or community center. If you're reading this after business hours, call anyway and leave a message, or send an e-mail. This will only take five minutes -- do it now.
5. Write down the names of five people who might be interested in learning something that you could teach them -- a junior co-worker, your neighbor's kid, or a student who might need tutoring in a subject you know a lot about. Next to each person you identify, also write one or two words about the subject you could teach. The next time you see one of the people on this list, offer a few minutes of your time to help them learn the topic you wrote next to them on your list.
Who would you like to give the gift of a happy moment to?
What could you do to give them that happy moment?
What would you like others to do to increase your happiness?
How could you get them to do this?
What makes you smile? Come on, out with it. I know you can smile.
2. Take five minutes right now to do one of the things on your list that would make someone happy. Hey, I know you're busy, but it will only take a couple of minutes. Do it now -- don't put this off; its very important that you do this right now!
3. Now that you've made someone happy take 10 minutes to work on a plan to get someone to do something that will make you happy. Pick the smallest, easiest thing on your list. Work on making it happen for 15 minutes. If you were not successful getting someone to do the thing you picked, schedule another 15 to work on this sometime in the next 24 hours. Use the space below to write down your thoughts at the end of the fifteen minutes.
You can help support this website by purchasing the complete GUIDELINES workbook here. We also donate 50% of all profits to Teen Outreach Pregnancy Services, a non-profit education and outreach organization for pregnant teenagers.
Remember: for a limited time, when you buy a copy of the workbook we'll include a FREE copy of the laminated GUIDELINES poster.